but we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.
i’m struggling to try tonight. tragedy struck very close to home and though i cling to the cross and the hope and salvation there, i ache for the lost. actually, my feelings and emotions are really jumbled. disbelief mixed with anger and sadness and concern. it’s a mess. v. 36 in the same chapter says ” for you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised”. granted, finishing this paper might not be the means to the end of receiving what is promised, but i need to endure and pull through my numb-ness. if not for the sake of writing a paper and turning it in on time, for the sake of those who do not share in the hope that i have. picture it this way: people around me see how desolate and weary i am, depending on my own weakness to carry on, and they don’t want a stinkin’ part of that for their own life. on the contrary, people see me lean on the unshakable rock that is God and fight these emotions with spirit-led love for other peeps, and they want a piece of that.
or so i speculate on a very tired brain. lord, please grant me clarity in thinking for endurance or remove the fogginess that prevents it. please sustain me and lift this heavy burden from my heart. fortify me, draw me near to you, and uplift me with your promises. i thank you for life, Lord, and desire to live mine for your glory. lord, i am but a beggar who’s found the bread. help me share that bread with other beggars, and help me to meet people in their distress and distraught emotions. ‘but you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake [the israelites].’ nehemiah 9:17. i need you, Lord.