half awake

I’ve been awake awake since 7 this morning, but I have found multiple opportunities to doze, and it’s killer…working on my Perspectives homework really reminded me of exhaustion in college that prevented me from absorbing material.  As thrilled as I am to learn this stuff (and I truly am), it was a struggle to digest the words passing under my eyes today.  Not good because not only did it take me much longer to go over the material, I’m not satisfied with the result.

It’s kind of an interesting experience to reflect on though…it’s not unlike my awareness of sin, or perhaps more accurate, my attention to God’s voice.  I get into a pattern of complacent and falsely assumed self-righteousness, essentially “nodding off”.  I’m not really happy with just “sleeping” through it soundly, so I have the “head-bobbing” and “yawning” attempts to “wake” myself up, as if to admit that I am actually a sinner.  Through a series of events, teachings, and quiet times in the past few months, God has been pointing out areas for tremendous growth (and with that areas of habitual sin), basically jolting me awake and pouring the strong coffee to keep me awake.  Are you tracking with the analogy still?  Even within this period there have been ups and downs in wakefulness.

In short, I am a certifiable wretch covered by the undeserved grace of my perfect savior, whose compassions (or mercies, however you look at it) are new every morning.  My attempts to pretend I am anything else are dishonest.

And so now to Zumba where I will hopefully liven up a bit to kick start the rest of this week. 🙂

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