pea soup.

This song came on the radio appropriately during my drive home tonight.  I was feeling pretty overwhelmed about stuff mostly pertaining to the uncertain future which was especially reinforced by the oppressive fog which made my drive from Ames to camp harrowing and short-sighted.

Let The Waters Rise

Mikeschair

Don’t know where to begin
Its like my world’s caving in
And I try but I can’t control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There’s a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
‘Cuz You’ll be next to me
You’re in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You’ll never out of reach

God, You know where I’ve been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You’ll be faithful again
I’m holding Your hand

The lyrics are slightly cheeseball (the swimming in the ocean verse with the ‘cuz instead of ’cause line–that’s annoying), but the last chunk (bridge?  I don’t remember) rang true, bits of the chorus and the first verse.  I don’t know anything about life beyond this summer and my habit is to worry, to be anxious, to doubt God’s faithfulness.  He has proved to be faithful time and time again in my life, especially the last couple years, with or without my acknowledgment.  I mentioned the fog because it was a tangible metaphor (I nearly made its status as a metaphor a simile by adding “like a” to metaphor)…I couldn’t see a thing and it made the drive really scary.  [I got here safely, but it was white-knuckle driving.]   I think that worry in the face of fog is like high beams, or worse like the low beams I used tonight which reflect off the dense fog and make visibility even worse.  It’s like I spotlight a fear with my energy and attention so that it gets blown out of proportion and it’s that much easier for me to doubt.

In other news, I had a fantastic one-on-one with a mildly decent café au lait from Café Diem on the side.  I think I was born for one-on-one ministry.  Either that or I’m finding a niche with it.  What if I did that all day instead of any paperwork?  Mmm.  Good luck finding people (students especially) available during the day.  I’d have to work nights.  That’s what I intended to do tonight, before the squinty-eye weariness set in from the drive home.  I might go to my private cabin #2 and meditate on the finer points of “don’t steal and don’t lie” for my talk tomorrow.  What’s crazy is that they are so obvious that the kids know better…my goal is to talk about it in such a way that they find inspiration for not lying or stealing in any capacity for the glory of God…that His name would be praised by the way their lives honor Him.  More than anything, I pray the Spirit would lead both preparation and dialogue tomorrow night.

I better head out and get some rest, though.  ‘night.

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