I’m in a rut where I don’t finish things lately. Having been a finisher (a person who ascribes value to finishing tasks and checking off lists) for most of my memory, this is a really deep rut.
Take housework. It’s not finished ever…if I devote a whole day to cleaning the apartment, there are still dishes after I cook supper. If I do 4 loads of laundry over 2 days, there’s inevitably more to do because I was wearing clothes and dirtying towels in the meantime. Books are half-read, knitting projects sit around nearly finished, but still an hour or two away from completion. Even my school work…I’m too good at not finishing. How did I get this way? How do I undo this?
Today is a day off. I really contemplated spending it in Des Moines, a place where new discoveries and coffee shops await. I decided to stay in because I’ve got work (work in progress) to do for camp (and actually set up an appointment to do so) and because I didn’t need to put additional miles on my car…I’ve put off an oil change, and though the warning whistle hasn’t gone off yet, I need to do it pretty soon. And though I desire to go shopping (recall my post about wanting a Target here; this town is too small), I’m not sure if that desire is just to pacify my restlessness or to actually have a bit of an adventure–a bargain safari, if you will.
I started running again (couch to 5k) with the warmer temps we’ve had for a whole week (AWESOME!)…and no precip has made that even more enjoyable. I like that I can finish these small goals. I’m hoping it translates to some other areas, like knitting, housework, school work, paperwork. The absence of deadlines and grades makes getting certain things done more…up to me…and my will has been less than determined in seeing things through.
I did sit down and write out my testimony for Bible Study. So I guess that’s finished (ha, well, not actually finished, as my life is not over). I’m really excited to actually get to the study part after next week; I appreciate the efforts to have common ground and back knowledge, but think if ever given the opportunity to be in a new group I’ll suggest we split testimony and study so we don’t get together and miss out on the Word altogether. Not sure why this didn’t occur to me earlier, as it was the model we used in Ames (although I never ended up sharing my God story with the group there), but I suppose I am rather reserved in new settings and withhold ideas anyway…so had it occurred to me I might not have been bold enough to share. No matter, we’re almost done. Perhaps sharing my story will give me an opportunity to share (in the study context) with confidence in a new group.
I suppose in writing a post like this, my readership (all 3 of you) may think I desire pity. I hope I don’t…I think a renewal of hope and the reminder/restoration of purpose for being here is all I want. Small order, right? 🙂 And my hope remains that God will reveal that to me through authentic relationships and meaningful service here…which is to say I need to get in a church, stat.
To close, in a post all about finishing, I’ll celebrate the awesome sunshine we’re enjoying yet again. Woohoo! Have a great weekend :).