Monthly Archives: May 2012

barriers

I just took a 3.2 mile run. I walked for about 3 blocks (so, 2.9). I am writing this post BECAUSE of those three blocks. I didn’t stop because my legs were falling off or my breath was out of control (ha, it probably was, but my headphones blocked that out), but instead a mental barrier that told me I couldn’t possibly go on. It happened at the farthest point on my route (I did a down and back, essentially, even stuck to the one I planned…thinking that it was 4 miles instead of 3 though). 

Part of the barrier might have had to do with it being the morning. Or worries about how I was feeling.

But after those three blocks I felt ok and I didn’t stop again until I got home. How do I avoid the mid-run agony? 

My 5K pace is not so hot at the moment. I know I’m just getting back in it, but I don’t know how to pick up the pace (see above…the barriers…killer!).

Now to shower and knit some applied-i-cord like it’s my job. With coffee and dishes in the mix. 🙂

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waves

My bad news at the beginning of the week kind of hit me again today. I’ve been surprisingly recovered in the days since, but today was really tough. Tough because I am fighting lies about inadequacy (in my head)…not so much that I’m never going to reach a stage beyond novice, but more so that my experience so far is inadequate…that I’m not worth the risk of failure to take on. 

[if you’re loving the vague-ness here, it’s because this is the Internet, accessible and visible to more than I know of].

I will pray for the strength to live on the truth and shut out the lies.

And I really want to do something special…not an end-of-the-year-celebration so much, but a let’s-enjoy-this-life-and-be-encouraged something. My plans will instead be finishing the endless blanket and, wait for it, if I’m feeling it, cutting thousands of cards for games that I laminated today. 

I know you’re likely to be envious. I hate to brag on the Internet and all, but this just couldn’t be helped… 🙂

 

Now for some pasta-procrastination. And Friiiiiiday.

home stretch, home-slice

Thursday, Friday, half of Monday. Then workdays. Then done.

18 rows left of my knitting project. The longest rows in the whole thing. Discretion in case its recipient reads this blog (prolly not, but one cannot be too sure).

Papa Murphy’s has kiddie pizzas (mini murphs) and I got one for FREE tonight when I paid for a large 1-topping pizza (also on special, also what I’d planned to get for my guests). So this home-slice is eating pizza for lunch tomorrow AND Friday, not to mention dinnah tomorrow night.

The kids are way ready to be done. Their music teacher shakes her head. And pats herself on the back for finishing up the report cards a day early (as opposed to last quarter when it was down to the wire because of a tiny forgot-to-read-directions blunder). That’s exhausting.

I’m drinking Willow blend from Starbucks these-a-days (not right at the moment, so I can’t say “now”). I’m a dark roast gal, but this is GOOD coffee! Try some, try some, you will see!

My 20 mile bike-ride made getting up very difficult today. I tried the good old “press snooze” trick from my sister. Didn’t really help, though.

Better knit. It’s easy to get carried away with other things instead, yeah? Yeah. peace out…

20 miles, a turtle, and wind in my face

It was a long day. It’s the end of the year, so it wasn’t a difficult teaching day (a full day today, but the kiddos were pretty chill with some last-minute unit work that required videos (didn’t feel like wasting a whole class period earlier in the quarter). I had some reminders of yesterday that stung at the eyes a bit, too, but lots of encouragement. Perhaps in including others in all of this before my letdown I am able to see just who is lifting me up–very encouraging.

I decided to skeedaddle home a little early (thank you, 80% contract)…which was only 30 minutes, and I immediately headed out on a bike ride. I took the new wheels out (which are still inflated! Hooray!) with the new helmet and made my way to our fabulous bike trail. It’s not fun to cross either highway between me and the trail, but I did it without too much waiting or danger.

I was really plagued with wind…and all the bugs it put in my eyes. There were the cotton-seed fluffies all around too. My throat and skin felt very itchy by the time I’d been going for a while. I rode past Summerset about 3 miles before turning back. On the way back I stopped a couple times for water and found a painted turtle just hanging out by a rock. I asked a passerby if he’d seen it (we’d passed going the opposite directions minutes earlier). He hadn’t but replied it was cool…and at that moment I noticed the puddle where the turtle had been. I scared a turtle today!

I was enchanted by the birds I saw, too. The most vibrant blue birds were all along the trail…I’m not sure what they were (maybe a bluebird…but I didn’t think they lived around here…maybe I’m wrong). There was also a cat sitting by a bridge much like the knight without arms and legs in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The cat was missing a paw and an ear. The way it looked at me made me think of Monty Python right away 🙂

All in all, I went more than 20 miles and my knees are on fire…the uphill return trip was a real treat. Hope to get all the way to Carlisle next time! 🙂

Peace to you!

Carried Away

Have you ever gotten caught worrying or dreaming about things to the extent that you shape your plans accordingly? I, most humbly, have been caught.

And for all of the (excuse me, if you’ve already offered it to me) glib comforting imaginable…you deserved it, this is God’s will, aren’t you glad you still have this instead…, it stings the MOST because I know that I made plans in my heart according to my own ways when I knew I was to make plans according to God’s ways.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.
(Proverbs 19:21 ESV)

This quoted verse might be over-used, out of context, or presently aggravating (salt in the wound), but I can’t keep from including it. As much as I celebrate now God bringing me to a community that I hated for a while, today I faced the reality that He might not have me stay where it’s comfortable. I long for the days when the tears are over to the extent that I can look back on this time and say THAT’S WHAT HE WAS DOING! When I can share God’s faithfulness in the clearly, carefully, and beautifully orchestrated story of my life. Until then, kleenex in hand as I mop up the shame I feel for making plans in my mind that were outside of His purpose for now, I will trust (and repeat to myself over and over) that God is faithful, and good, and that His purposes are not to harm, but to bring to completion the good work already started in me (yeah, Philippians shout out).

Today I am thankful that God has made a way for me to be in a church, close enough that my beloved family can be near me and visit frequently, and that I can trust Him.

rejoice and be glad

But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
say continually, “Great is the LORD!”
(Psalm 40:16 ESV)

This jumped off my Bible’s page this morning. Lately I haven’t been feeling much lasting joy…and it’s been frustrating, because I know and knew that there was not any cause for it–I am aware of the joy that is encompassed by being the child of the Creator of the world from past experience, from time in the word, answered prayer, beheld miracles…but for whatever inexplicable reason, I have been spinning without it.

The lack of joy is not circumstantial. Sure, I could probably spin my circumstances to you in such a light that you would be tempted to sympathize and empathize and assure me that things will be looking up before too long, but for real. My life is full and rich these days…but I forget about the joy.

Today while I was reading seek stood out to me in verse 16. I probably read over it the first time without much pause (as I drink my coffee, it takes a couple tries before anything really sinks in), but it dawned on me that I’m not rejoicing in the Lord and being glad when I’m not seeking him. So, excepting my spiritual conversations and quiet time(s) during the day, I’m out to sea. If I’m seeking Him even as I work (trickier for me, because I tend to compartmentalize a little at work…and very much at home), I’ll know that joy firsthand throughout the day. 

Do I have the answers? No. Do I have a lot of time left at work for the school year to try and see (not that this will keep me from seeking the Lord during the day…but I just won’t be used to it at work for a while)? No (woohoo! under 10 days remain!). Am I thankful for the Counselor who teaches us all things and causes us to remember all things about Himself? Mm to the Hmm. Mm to the Hmm.

Coffee, dishes, and bedtime await. Peace to you!

It’s late. I h…

It’s late. I had my last concert of the year tonight. That’s a relief. The big stressful ones are usually the programs (because it’s a lot of details depending on me), but this was a fifth grade concert, which was the collaborative effort of four schools and three musical programs (band, orchestra, and chorus). 

They sang really well. I’d like to take all the credit, but I can’t because we shared the teaching. It was really sweet to stand in front of kids singing a song written by Handel called Sing For Joy. 

Sing for Joy, sing out with a joyful sound, sing out with a joyful sound, sing joy and praise forever more. Joy, joy, sing out with joyful sound. Joy, Joy, Joy! Sing for Joy!

I found it to be praise-y.

But you know what the best part about concerts is? My audience member. I’ve had a few friends come to these concerts before (they don’t always return…), but one has not missed a single one of my teaching concerts. I understand that is immense pressure to keep a perfect record and I would TOTALLY understand if a conflict kept him from coming, but I think my favorite part of the stress and toil of having a concert is enjoying dinner, multiple hugs, and conversation with my dad on concert nights. That’s who I share my work with.

Besides concerting, it’s HOT. Man oh man. 80 some degrees all week long. My apartment is hot, too. Ugh. Humid as well. I’m going to turn in for the night, but not before digging out some shorts…the days of sweats may be over for this spring…